Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
