Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
