dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
