If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
