My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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