she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
