i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
