I hope mine doesn't look like that
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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