Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
