No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
