Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
