It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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