Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
