im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Girls should come with a carfax report
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
