oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
