I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
