My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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