@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
