remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
