So gin and wine won't be happening again
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
