i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
