What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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