dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
