OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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