I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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