just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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