Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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