dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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