hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
