made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
