; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
