Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
