you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
