I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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