sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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