it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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