You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I need moral support for this bender
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
