he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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