i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
