i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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