I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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