new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
