Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
