We need to rekindle our bromance
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
