A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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