wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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