I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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