there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
