why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
