Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
