you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
