Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize