No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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