Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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