So drunk its hurt
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
