i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
