I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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