i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
