Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
