You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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