I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
