yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
the day after is always just damage control
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
