It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Randomize
