Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize