...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize