Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
