you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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